She is Poly – He Isn’t.

hen we first started dating, my wife was wanting an open relationship where she could continue to date other people, while I on the other hand was raised to be monogamous. Our first fight happened merely weeks after we started dating, and while I remember us fighting about it on my balcony, I ended up telling her I couldn’t think about her with other men or women, only myself. Days later, I ended up giving in and giving her time to decide while we kept on dating. A few months later, we were married in a monogamous relationship.

Initial Polyamorous Dating; Insecurities and Jealousy

So here we are years later and deciding to give polyamory a try after talking about it for well over a year. After our initial dates, I thought through my head of the different insecurities I had. I was jealous when the other man put his hand on my wife, when he hugged her, when they kissed, when she sucked his cock. But, I thought in my head; why am I jealous? But this is a story for another day. Today we are talking about the imbalance, maybe Poly just isn’t for me. My wife, however, had little feelings of insecurities or jealousy, everything was ok in her book. So I thought, hey, lets keep the ball rolling, these feelings will probably go away with time once I better understand them.

Getting Past the Jealousy with Polyamory

I read for countless hours online and in books, talking with people about my insecurities and jealousy. Date after date, I felt the same feelings until I snapped one day. Then I told my wife I was done with polyamory. She said she wasn’t and she was Polyamorous, and needed this in her life. I love my wife with everything that I am, so I decided I wanted to stay with her to let her figure out her feelings. I hoped polyamory was just a phase.

After I got past my jealousy issues, I realized, hey, polyamory isn’t quite so different than a monogamous relationship, with very few differences. It is fortunate I stayed with my wife and we didn’t separate because I can honestly say now that I thoroughly enjoy polyamory and seeing other people outside my primary relationship.

Moving Forward Together

My wife and I move forward with polyamory together now, with few rules other than open communication, complete honesty and using protection during sex.

She is Poly – He Isn’t; What to Do

So if you are in a relationship with someone who’s relationship is different than yours, you or your partner will have to change to stay together. Part of being in a relationship is about giving, and coming to compromises. The same thing goes in this instance; someone will have to come to a compromise. Find out what part of your partner’s actions makes things a deal-breaker for you and talk to them about it. If they won’t change, then you have a serious issue that leads you to your decision of breaking it off with the partner or not. Unfortunately this is a difficult decision to make, but it’s life! We wish you the best of luck!

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