What is Swinging and How do I get Started?
Welcome to the comprehensive swingers guide to all things swinger related. We’ll cover what a swinger is, what swingers do, why swingers swing, rules to remember when swinging and a beginners guide to swinging. Wow – that’s a lot, here we go! Let’s start with the most obvious section. What is swinging? Swinging is the general idea of swapping sex partners, generally couples swinging with other couples or singles swinging with couples. There are many variations of swinger setups much like polyamory. There’s triads, quads, pods, groups, communities, couples, singles… the list of different types of polyamory goes on. The same goes with swinging. Typically within a swing party partners perform sexual acts with other consenting adults. This also has a load of variations which include bondage & discipline, domination & submission, sadism & masochism, traditional sex, kink and much more. Obviously this will depend on what kind of sex you are into, what meetups you go to or what kind of website you search on.
Swinger lifestyle
The swinger lifestyle itself does not differ from the average person walking down the street. Your mother or grandfather may be swingers, even though they attend the Catholic church every Sunday. Doubtful, but possible. There is no way to know because many people keep this part of their life quiet. Swingers may lead their average life day to day with their kids and family at home while going to work every day then on weekends they go to the swing club, swing then head home. Some swingers host parties at their home and are more open about their lifestyle. Once I went to a friend’s house and opened up her dishwasher and it was filled with sex toys. Much to my surprise… they hosted a swing party every weekend.
Why Swing? I mean, what’s the point?
Swinging is within the polyamorous lifestyle because typically the person(s) involved are being open to others, whether it’s emotionally or physically. For a swinger, its more of an emotional openness rather than an emotional one. Within a swing party, typically feelings and emotions towards other partners are left at the meetup. One of the most common rules we have come across when talking with other swingers is “Come as a couple – leave as a couple.” This is generally thought of as you are not necessarily bringing other people into your life outside of the swing meetup.
Swinging is a great way to explore other sexual interests you may have without feeling the need to cheat on a partner or ask them to do something they don’t want to do. Let’s say my wife is into BSDM and I can’t stand the thought of it. As a swinger, we could go swing with another couple who is in a similar boat. Both couples walk away from the party with the sexual needs met and still have each other. It’s basically a win-win situation for both parties involved. Another way to look at it would simply just want to have sex with other people, having a much higher sex drive than a partner or even simply wanting to play with other people. Swingers don’t always focus on being the person having sex; some may enjoy watching or masturbating to their partner having sex with another partner.
The point to swinging is simple. Swingers swing to have needs met!
I’m ready to swing. How do I get started?
Generally it will be a lot easier to find a swing group or meetup if you are a couple, however, it’s not a necessity! If you are interested in becoming a swinger a great place to start would be on a website like www.SwingLifeStyle.com or www.adultfriendfinder.com. Both of these websites are great because you can sign up as a single guy or gal and simply because they are swinger websites mean you can obviously sign up as a couple as well. My wife and I use Adult Friend Finder rather than Swing Life Styles, however, both are worth a look at. It’s worth it to note that if you are going to upgrade to a paid profile, upgrade on Adult Friend Finder rather than the Swing Life Style website. Adult Friend Finder has recently upgraded a lot of their software within the past couple months, which is the only reason we prefer them. Before Adult Friend Finder upgraded, SLS was the go-to for many swingers. The lifetime membership is the best option in our opinion, which is what we have.
So now that you have a profile, you put up a sexy picture of yourself and your partner, start messaging other interesting couples near you! Hopefully they will find you attractive as well and you can get meet with them for a good time.
Prefer to meet other swingers in person?
A swinger’s guide wouldn’t be complete without covering how to find other swing partners. Some swingers prefer to stay away from searching for finding swingers online (although it is much easier in our opinion), which is perfectly fine. Meeting online has too many advantages for us because we are busy people. My wife and I would rather find an attractive couple online, talk with them to see if there is a connection then get together. If you prefer to stay away from finding swingers online there are a couple other major options. There are other websites available for someone who is searching for a website to create more than a physical connection, but a emotional and family minded connection. Read our review on free polyamory dating websites here.
Find a meetup group!
There are plenty of swinger meetups near us in Cincinnati, Ohio and more than likely a meetup group near you as well. These meetups are great because you can meet a lot of people at once, however, it can be frustrating if you put all your eggs in this basket only to go to the event and find yourself the black sheep or worse, find nobody attractive. Sometimes within these groups people have cliques already setup (in our experience), which can be annoying as well. You can search for a meetup group near you on www.meetup.com or look on the www.SwingLifeStyle.com or www.adultfriendfinder.com forums. These websites also have free live chat which is great for asking about meetup groups.
Swingers party hard.
Swingers love to party or in our experience, the ones we come across do. There are many swinger parties within the Cincinnati area every week which makes it easy to find a new swing partner or partners. Typically these parties are over 200-300 people! Swinger parties can turn into orgies in a matter of minutes or be much more formal requiring a suit and tie with a dress-to-impress feeling to them. It varies. My wife and I prefer to keep things on a much more personal level if we want to swing, so we stray away from swinger parties. www.SwingLifeStyle.com and www.adultfriendfinder.com both also have an email signup list to notify you of swing parties near you. As noted before, my wife and I use SLS and enjoy the swing parties very much from time to time.
Swing clubs
Swing clubs are a great way to meet new people and there are probably swing clubs near you! I’ve lived in Cincinnati my entire life and never heard of one near us, however, once I did a Google search, I found several. When searching for a swing club there are a few things you want to keep in mind. #1 READ REVIEWS. Swing clubs can be nasty and when I say nasty, I mean… NASTY. So read reviews, search YouTube, Google plenty. Swing clubs can also get pricey, so be sure to check and see how much it will cost for a membership and per visit. There are a couple pro’s to going to a swing club such as bouncers. It’s nice to know that if you are being raped there is a big burly dude ready to kick some ass if you scream. Swing clubs are also very upfront about the “No means no” policy. If you are a single guy or girl, a swing club may be your best bet at getting into the world of swinging. Typically within swing clubs there are a variety of sex rooms as well, so you don’t feel you have to leave the premises to get it on with a new partner. This is great if you want to keep everything at the club.
First time swingers guide
First swinger rule: handle emotions and feelings.
Be prepared to feel some pretty intense emotions the first time, especially if you and your partner are in the same room swinging. I recommend for the first time splitting off into two separate groups, NOT within hearing range. I’m unsure of why, but hearing your partner get it on with another partner seems to be a big trigger for guys which lead them to flipping out and causing a scene. After you have gotten used to your partner with someone else then try sex in the same room if you like, but this is NOT recommended for the first time.
Guy Swingers – Ever seen your wife fuck another dude? Trust me – the first time is a doozy. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine another guy going at it with your wife making her scream and cum over and over. Like that thought? Good.
Girl Swingers – Read above. Ever seen your guy get it on with another girl? He’s going to be into it, and probably not really think twice about it since he assumes you are on board with everything as well.
#2 When swinging, use protection.
One of the biggest things to be aware of (obviously) within a swinger’s world is STDs and pregnancy. Guys do you want your girl getting pregnant with another dudes baby? I doubt it. Girls, you want your guy coming home with a green penis? I doubt it. Take heed – use condoms. Always. It’s always good to ask about STDs, but we all know, if you are drunk or the other guy is a liar, they will say anything to get you to have sex with them, including lying about STDs or STD tests.
#3 Come together, leave together.
A good note to keep in your mind is to always come together, then leave together. Meaning if you come to a swing club with your partner, leave with your partner. If you go to a swing meetup with a partner, leave together. If one partner is lagging behind or isn’t finished yet, just wait. Trust me on this one; this can lead to a fight and unneeded drama.
#4 Calling all swingers! Dress to impress.
There is one thing both ladies and men both like. That’s a guy or lady dressed up and looking good. Make sure you dress to impress, but also be sure to dress according to the event you are going to. Going to a swing club you will want to dress in something impressive early on but make sure you have something you can strip down to as the night goes on and things get sexier. BDSM swinger parties will want to dress accordingly as well. Some swinger events have a dress code so be sure you read up on the event before you go.
#5 Courtesy to all.
The last rule, which is a general rule of thumb, is to be nice to everyone. If you want to be invited back, respect other people’s property, respect the people you are with, show up early to events and most of all – RSVP early! There is one thing hosts find more annoying than anything and that is people signing up at the last moment. Always be polite and immediately back off if someone tells you no. No means no. Period.
Swinger guide conclusion
All things in all, a swinger lifestyle is a great one filled with fun, excitement and enjoying the pleasure of multiple partners. You will be able to experience much more swinging than you ever would with one partner. There are plenty of things to remember, but once you get in the swing of things (haha), it will get much easier. So your final recommendation will be to pick up The Swinger Manual
