Jealousy is the most difficult hurdle early on in any polyamory lifestyle. To better get past this emotion, we must first discuss what jealousy is, then finding what exactly is causing this emotion. Only then can can jealousy be truly conquered.
Jealousy, in short, is a wide variety of emotions. When jealousy is felt, you may feel angry, hurt, frustrated, and possibly violent. Jealousy is typically felt when you feel backed into a corner and you feel there is no way out. You may feel your relationship is in jeopardy, you may feel like your partner is doing something they shouldn’t, or perhaps you are feeling left out. My wife and I found we experienced jealousy when we were dating separately, however, when we dated other couples at the same time, there was no jealousy.
From here we must find out what is causing this emotion to bubble up. Close your eyes, think of your partner going on a date with their partner. Imagine them from the beginning calling up their partner and scheduling a date, meeting each other in public, holding hands, a kiss perhaps, then going back to the date’s house and having dinner. Maybe they have sex. Think about this and at what point do you feel jealousy arise? Is it the intimate connection with another person? Is it your partner being sexually involved with another? Maybe its even the fact they are finding another person attractive other than you.
Now that we understand what jealousy is, and why it’s there, we can better know how to get through it. Some couples enjoy having dates on the same day, some would rather power through on their own, at home. Doing something that occupies your mind is a great place to start – what’s your favorite thing to do that focuses your attention? Do that. Perhaps its reading a book, talking to a friend, playing a video game, exercising or even hanging out at a local coffee shop with some friends. The first few times jealousy arises, it will be difficult. It will be very difficult, but trust me, it does get easier. Jealousy is an unhealthy emotion that can be conquered, and the emotions that fill where jealousy used to be will allow you to fully experience polyamory for everything that it is!